Urine-sane

This is going to sound insane. It’s also kind of gross.

… I think someone is following me around and leaving clues to let me know they were there. The worst part, I’m thinking the clue is urine.

I know, I know, it’s not a normal thought, but strange things have been happening and it’s the only explanation.

It started last Monday when, apparently, someone had gotten into the newsroom and urinated all over one of my co-worker’s desk, the wall, his computer. It was everywhere.

That’s odd, but it doesn’t end there.

Last weekend, I was in Tampa speaking at a retreat when I got into an elevator and that distinct smell permeated throughout the entire area.

My friend and I looked all over to find the spot. It reminded me of the episode of The Office when Dwight had to make a “PeeCorner.”

The following is an excerpt from the episode Neopotism:

Dwight Schrute: Is this elevator going up? Hey. The elevator’s disobeying us! [the elevator makes a crunch and stops] Ohhkay. Ok. We are stuck. We are stuck. [yelling at the intercom] Hank? Hank? Can you hear us! Oh my god ok. Emergency protocol.
Pam Halpert: Just calm down.
Dwight Schrute: Pam, try to pry open those front doors. Immediately.
Pam Halpert: I don’t–
Dwight Schrute: Use your talons! Pry ’em open!
Pam Halpert: [laughing] Ok, Dwight– Oh my god! [turns to see Dwight peeing in the corner]
Dwight Schrute: Well don’t look freak!
Pam Halpert: Dwight what are you doing! We’ve only been in here for like two seconds!
Dwight Schrute: I’ve got fifty six ounces of fluid in my bladder, and we have to establish a pee corner!
Pam Halpert: You’ve gotta be kidding me.

Maybe some child got nervous and urinated in his pants and the parents were lazy and decided not to clean it up or let housekeeping know … or maybe there’s a urinator following me.

Not convinced? Keep reading:

This morning was a little chilly so I decided to turn the heat on in my car when all of a sudden that rancorous scent hit me. Maybe it was in my head, but I smelled urine and it was disgusting.

I turned the air off in a time of complete confusion … why would my car smell like this? Then it hit me: There’s a urinator following me around.

I might sound a little crazy, but it makes sense. Think about it.

Dear Urinator,

Please stop following me. It’s disgusting and a bad habit to continue relieving yourself in areas that are not porcelain.

Sincerely,

Angel

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