Wardrobe Malfunction

Since I began leaving for work before the sun even rises my appearance has taken a turn for the worse.

To be fair, it wasn’t so hot even when I had hours of time to put myself together. I just find looking professional to be a waste of time.

The past few months, however, I have had more wardrobe issues than I care to think about.

Example 1:

I woke up one morning and hadn’t laid out my entire outfit, which I typically do to save myself time in the morning.

It was still chilly outside so I put on my dress, some tights and shoes and headed out the door still in a tired stupor.

When I got to work and looked down at my outfit I shuddered.

I was wearing a black, green and red dress with blue tights and a red sweater. I looked like I allowed a confused, color-blind kindergartener to dress me.

Example 2:

Another morning I was in the car, cream top and black skirt with a glass of chocolate soy milk in my hand.

When, to my dismay, I spilled some of the brown substance on my light-colored blouse while driving on the interstate.

What could I do?

Not use antibacterial on the stain. Too bad for me, that’s what I did.

I used the stuff from Bath & Body Works, you know the kind with little blue balls in it. So not only did I have brown on my shirt, but I had little streaks of blue around it.

Great.

When I got to work I headed straight to the bathroom and put the yellow soap right on top of the now many stains.

Of course with my luck that just added another color to the rainbow.

After that, I went to Walmart and bought a $4 shirt.

Example 3:

I had a genius idea for saving time: Wear my pajamas to work and change when I get to my destination.

I know, I’m too smart for my own good. When my mother heard about this she was appalled. (Sorry, Mom, it’s still happening.)

As I was driving to work I looked over at my bag of clothes and realization hit me: I didn’t pack shoes and I was wearing slippers.

Only me.

Luckily, the day before I had left a pair of brown boots at work. So my fancy black dress was paired with brown shoes that didn’t even come close to matching.

It’s better than slippers.

You’d think all this would stop me from continuing in my wardrobe endeavors, but it will not. I will continue to wear pajamas to work, continue to drink soy milk and continue to dress in a sleep haze.

I live on the edge.

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