Tag Archives: job

I’m Contemplating Stealing Toilet Paper

alg-toilet-paper-jpg

I will not steal toilet paper from my office. I will not stoop that low. I will not.

OK, maybe I will.

Next week I might have to.

I hate my life.

depression

I’m a reporter. I’m a graduate student. I’m single. I’m depressed.

There’s low points in life, everyone has them but I think my life has gone a little more low. Here’s an analogy: You have someone having a rough day sitting on the ground a little dirty, a little sad. Beside them you see a hole. You look down the hole and see me on one of those machines that goes through the sand. I’m about 50 feet down and just getting started.

If you can’t tell, I’m having a hard time.

A job I interviewed for a few months back that I was told would be open in the summer fell through. The next day I got dumped. The following week I was supposed to hear about another job I interviewed for and up to this very moment have heard nothing.

At work, the head of photography yelled at me and someone I interviewed for a story retracted — not rare but enough to make me cry at work in front of other people. So embarrassing.

I forgot to pay my rent check and had to pay an additional $100.

Also, its been raining a lot.

I now cry at the drop of a hat.

Seriously, I cannot stop crying.

My mother told me my ex got the job he’s been really wanting – his dream job so to speak. I told her I was happy for him. When we hung up I yelled a little and then began irrationally crying, then sobbing, then balling.

Life is not going well for me.

My bank account is drained. My debt is through the roof. My life is in the crapper.

Where did I go wrong?

Was it the moment I thought I would not pursue a career in publishing? Was it the moment I took the job at the Daily News? Was it the moment I went back to school thinking all the debt I was acquiring would be worth it because I’d get a new, awesome job?

Or maybe it was all those moments.

Maybe, just maybe, I’m a terrible decision maker.

I think maybe God is testing me. Right now, I’m feeling like a modern day Job.

I feel sorry for Job.

No, I haven’t lost everyone I love in some terrible way and my skin isn’t covered in boils but I am getting puffy eyes from all the crying and my hair is a little greasy because I wasn’t up for showering in between tears last night.

I am so pathetic.

This was a rant so I apologize to anyone who made it this far down in the reading.

There’s nothing more to say. If I think about my life too much more I’ll start crying and I’m around other people so that would be bad.

Why Can’t I Settle

I love my job.

It’s the first time I have truly been able to say I am completely happy with where I am. But for some reason, this feeling of unsteadiness has over taken me. I want a new job, a new town and a new start.

I love my parents, but living with them after living on your own is a whole other ball game. I’m living with them now because, honestly, it’s cheap. I just bought a car and I’m living on a journalist salary — which if you don’t know is small.

I also love and adore my hometown. I go anywhere and I see someone I know. The small-town life is one I want for my children, but right now while I’m single and young and I want something else, something different.

Then there’s work.

I love it. I get to write about things I enjoy, talk with amazing people and listen to fascinating stories for a living, for a living! But then comes my feelings of restlessness, the feeling that tells me I want change, and now.

I talked with my friend Leslie about this, and while she was a Public Relations major she took some psych classes and feels pretty well versed on the subject.

Leslie told me it’s our generation.

We feel a constant need for change. Look at us, we have to have phones that can do everything, watch television with features that allow us to speed past the commercials and become bored quickly (well, at least that’s how I feel) with everything from to school to our love lives.

Who knew being 23 could present so many challenges.

So here is my dilemma.

Do I start looking for a new job? Should I just get over myself and stick it out? If I quit, will future employers wonder at my lack of time at each workplace?

I’ve also felt that journalism would be something for now, just right now. I’ve never envisioned myself working my entire life as a reporter, and I would be far too board stuck behind a desk as an editor. So what will I do?

No clue.

For now, I write and enjoy my job. I’ve put some thoughts into the future, especially since my feelings of antsy-ness (it’s a word) have overtaken me.

I’m looking for a new start, but I’m letting God direct me.

So when, where, who and all the other questions floating around will have to wait.

So, here’s to waiting — Happy New Year!